I’ve let myself go up to something grotesque. With a few half-hearted attempts, I’ve tried to lose some pounds but an unwillingness to commit to my plans have caused me to balloon. It’s my fault and it was my hands that lifted food into my mouth, shoving it into my mouth to devour.

As of now, I don’t know what I’m going to do, all I know is that I want to lose the weight. I know how I lose the weight before but it seems hard to do it that way now. I’ve been more tempted by food than normal but I know that if I continue on, I’ll become a bloated blimp. That’s a really scary thought! I feel really big now but I know that I could be bigger. I still haven’t bought new clothes to fit my new fat body and I don’t plan to. I kept some of the clothes that I had before I started to think out…

BIG MISTAKE.

Every time I saw those clothes, I kept thinking that I needed to keep them ‘just in case’. Which totally meant that I expect myself to gain all that weight back (which I did). A self fulfilling prophecy.

Well. Now that I’m graduating from grad school and starting my new adult life, I don’t want to start it fat. I’m ~175 pounds. My first goal is to be 160. My ultimate goal is to be 123 pounds. Random number? I was inspired by BBC’s “Where are you on the global fat trail.” The thinnest country on the list was Vietnam and I want to match the average.

That seems really stupid but come on~ I have to aspire to something. I hope this blog will be able to document my weight loss, my new aspirations and life. I want to really connect with this and I hope I’ll be able to do really well.