fuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I feel so fucking big. I didn't just have 500 calories for dinner; I'm going to guesstimate that it was about 800 calories. Which makes my grand total for the day 1100 calories. Approximately.

Alright.

It was my mom's birthday. I guess that makes it a little better. And it was also during my high calorie day so maybe it wasn't that bad. I did get to workout twice today [although both of the workouts were.. lacking...]. I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow. No matter what. It's like punishment for eating whatever my eyes decided to glance over.

Ah, whatever.

I'm going to spend the rest of the night on youtube, planning tomorrow's 400 calorie day and hopefully sleep before my 6am workout tomorrow.

But in other news, the leasing agent emailed me today and it seemed like they're interested in offering me a place. I'd be glad if I was sure that's where I wanted to live. And this is reminding me that I need to call these dog people about getting a possible service dog...

... I feel really stupid about it but I'm insanely afraid of living by myself. I've convinced myself that I'm going to kill myself one of these mornings, simply by trying to wake up. Last month, I literally clawed my neck while trying to get out of bed during a hypoglycemic episode [I have the scar to prove it...]. It doesn't happen often but often enough where I'm afraid. I don't want to live with anyone either.

I don't want their food in the apartment. I don't want them wondering why I rarely go out. I don't want them wondering about the kinds of food, measuring equipment, and scales that I keep around the apartment.

I should probably see a therapist.